Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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