the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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