that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
