Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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