Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
barbara walters just said penis...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
