True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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