We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize