i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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