It's Friday. Sex?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
