hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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