i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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