I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dick very happy bro
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
