I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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