the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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