It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
