its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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