how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
