I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize