Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
