I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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