Your tits are I can't wait for
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
