can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
