And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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