Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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