Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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