I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
