Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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