You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
