i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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