as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
