Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my phone needs a breathalizer
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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