He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
