i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
