just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
