why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize