dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
