I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
