I showed him my bush... on skype.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
