Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Randomize
