Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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