Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize