dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
