Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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