My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
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Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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