Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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