i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize