'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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