A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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