The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
id be glad to
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
