Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
