so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
