What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
