My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i need some magic done to my vagina
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
