Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I still have a little drunk in my system
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
