Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
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Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
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I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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