I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
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Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
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This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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