then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
