Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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