Fuck appropriateness.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
