I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
