oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize