sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
two words: eviction party
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
