we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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