There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
