turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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