Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
