i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
